Directed by John Carr, Phillip Marshak, Tom McGowan, Jay Schlossberg-Coen, and Gregg C. Tallis (1985)
SUMMARY: God and Satan are seated in a train and they barter for the souls of three people.
THOUGHTS: So last night four of my friends and I went to the annual Halloween Horrorfest at the drive-in. It was four films and eight hours of nonstop terror. This yearly viewing is one of the things that I look forward to most every year, so believe me when I tell you that last night’s events definitely did not disappoint.
Opening up the night for us was a film that I ashamedly had never heard of let alone viewed: Night Train to Terror. I had read very little about the movie before seeing it and I am so glad that I didn’t dig into it more beforehand. So if you love being surprised and utterly elated then I suggest you stop reading this and go see the film however you can. If you’d rather hear why I thought it was so unbelievably awesome then by all means, keep reading.
By definition, Night Train to Terror is without a doubt one of the most horrible movies ever made. It’s basically up there in competition Plan 9 from Outer Space for the title of worst movie ever. You’ll notice that there are five listed directors for the film and that is no mistake. You see, Night Train to Terror is an anthology style horror movie with three vignettes. What they don’t tell you however is that each of these three stories were actually three separate (and sometimes unfinished) horror movies that were chopped up and edited into one film. And in order to try and give the film a sense of coherence the creators added an overarching narrative of God and Satan sitting on a train bartering for the souls mentioned in each of the stories. Then for good measure they throw in an awesomely-horrendous 1980’s music video montage featuring some pretty sweet outfits and dance moves. Reading and trying to understand that storyline might make your brain hurt a bit, but that doesn’t compare at all the total mind explosion that viewing the movie would cause.
Everything about this movie is horrible. The script, the acting, the effects (sometimes including claymation), the editing, etc. It’s all grade-z terrible, but that is what makes the movie so enjoyable. It’s a thing of wonder to behold something that is simultaneously so totally unwatchable and yet fun that you literally can’t peel your eyes off the screen. Seeing this thing at the drive-in with my friends only enhanced what would have been a crazy experience on its own. We were screaming with laughter, scratching our heads, and singing the theme song all night. Just watch the trailer and it will give you a small and very vague idea of what to expect.
If you are a fan of bad cinema like the three of us here at A Taste of Blood, then I highly suggest you check out Night Train to Terror. I promise you it will be a truly unforgettable experience. Just make sure you watch with a room full of friends.
VERDICT: 8 WTFs out of 10
Posted by cactus-mouth